lallaaa

Have you noticed that wherever people are, they take photos and videos and are more interested in capturing those moments than actually living it?! sometimes i think that technology is terrible for us. hahha.

the past week has been calm. interesting feelings surrounding me, which i dont know what they are, they're probably not new but i definetely dont recognize them.

Meanwhile, classes are really kicking my ass. some classes i just dont get, some classes are too hard and then theres the morning thing that i just cant seem to get used to. I wake up just fine, but on the 2nd day i just wanna sleeppppppp. Guess sometimes dreams require more than we can imagine, huh?

besides that...nothing is happening at all. i ran out of money for the 2nd time this month so this weekend im staying in, catching up on sleep and work :)

Philosophical Thought of the Day: If you can't feel it, but feel it's there...is it really there to feel?

Word of the day: Capture

Skies

The sky sometimes moves so fast that the clouds look like they're racing. Isnt amazing? How you can always look at the sky with amazement even though you see it everyday.
If feels like it's been so long that ive interacted with people like i do every day in class. I was locked up in my house before, stressed to death and miserable...and now it's like a whole new world has opened up infront of me.It's so interesting just to see how people work, how people get mad, how they interact with others. Sometimes (i know it sounds creepy...) i just sit and look at everyone. I smile. It's nice to finally be a part of something. To be liked by everyone.
I dont even know to explain it. Another unexplicable thing that has been going on is that i feel as if i'm having a crush on someone. you know butterflies in my tummy, excitement over nothing...and quite frankly im not sure who im crushing on. Maybe im just in love with my life at the moment. Who knows. I just want to fall in love. I want to have someone to hold hands with and go strolling around the city. i want to talk till the sun comes up, and do one crazy thing after another.

Maybe ill be blessed to meet someone, or maybe i've already met him and we'll fall in love.

aaa.....................today i skipped class due to montly pains, and i decided to clean up my house. I was cleaning for so long and now everything is pretty, everything smells nice, and im sitting all cozy on my couch waiting for xfactor to begin. I love friday nights. :)

Philosophical Thought of the Day: If fate brought us together, life is setting us apart.

Word of the Day: Courage

time

Well, Hello there :)
I haven't written anything in here mostly because there's nothing to write about. It's a sort of time where my friends' lives matter more, and i'm quite glad i dont have much to worry about!

School has been awesome. Classes are getting more and more interesting, Lots of work and most of the work is "here, do this" and noone even explains. HAHAHA. Honestly, i'm very tempted to be like dude, how do u expect us to do this when we dont know how?! but it's more of a challenge than anything else. I have so much competition in me i had no idea existed. And i got bummed about a grade i got. 7/10. Honestly it's not so bad...but failure is not an option for me,and excellence is my goal.

We're finally blending in as a class, and once again, im glad i'm not in a "clique"....but right now i'm not so glad because i cant decide who to invite to my birthday. HAHAHA. i cant have too many people.
oh my birthday...am i look forward to the attention? oh yes! Am i looking forward to being a year older? OMG NOOOOOOOOOOOOO....it doesnt seem right. Can't time stop??????????

Last week I pulled a muscle on my back, and it hurt like a bitch. It went away, but it came back today and it's even worse. I CANT MOVEEEEE

Philosophical Thought of the Day: Is time ever on our side?

Word of the day: Twat

Fake

So what have i been doing the past weeks? Well...let's start with classes. orientation was 3 days. interesting but i did not want to wake up at 830 am to get to know my teachers. Nevertheless it was a good way to break the ice with a lot of other people in my class. Also seeing a lot of my very hot principal was not bad. The bad thing is that since everyone is 21 and younger, it's a big age gap somehow, and it's just not working for me at the moment. I realize now that im more mature than ever, and i hate being "grown up". i remember the days where i didnt give a shit about anything and this melancholy runs chills over my body. I just cannot seem to get along right now.
This girl from my class had her birthday party. Only 8 people showed up and after a lot of drinks we decided to play truth or dare. I noticed a girl not participating at all, that she'd rather sleep at her best friends birthday party than have a few silly laughs. I told her that shes way too young to not be participating in stupid shit, and that shes going to regret it later. i also think i mentioned something about factors that may be pulling her back from having fun...anyway, she got offended. fucking kids. i swear. i wanted to kick her.
Later that night i went out to this "rock bar" I love that place, its chill, and my friends had invited this guy that i have a crush on, unfortunately im not the only one crushing on him, so is my friend. Does this make me a bad friend? a bad person? I can't help it. He's everything i'm looking for in a guy. I havent compared him to andy. Which is weird.

So this week classes started, and it's been nice. Not much work, and the work we're doing is pretty awesome. I love every second of it. I cant wait till we reaaaally get down to business. i'm so excited.
I think im more excited about the fact that i will able to express my feelings through drawing. FINALLY.
that's all the news i got right now....

Philosophical Thought of the Day: Whats the secret to becoming popular without being an idiot?

Word of the Day: Waste

Discovery

The last few days i've been hearing a lot of self discovery. I've also had to do some myself. It's weird, I've reached an age(not that im old...) that i never thought id have to re-discover myself, but in a way its not really re-discovering, or plain discovering, it's more building one's self.
Who are we? Where are we going? What do we want and need from life? I've learnt a few things, that i'm not alone, not in the way i feel, the way i act, the way i talk, the way i think. Good to know. Every day is a day to learn something.
I was asked some simple questions, like what are my hobbies. I thought to myself shit, i dont play the guitar or the piano, i don't dance, i dont sing, i dont play tennis, so what ARE my hobbies. i had to sit down and think. Eventually i realized that i write a lot, whether its poetry(or what tries to seem like poetry...) stories etc, i realized that nowadays listing "computers" as a hobby is totally acceptable, and i also realized that people have very random and unusual hobbies. I heard this girl saythat its her hobby to sit in a park and watch people walk by. I thought she needs help, but whatever floats ur boat.

People go through so many phases in their lives, the phase of true happiness, then phase of complete destruction of one's self. I thought i was the only know that had to hit rock bottom befor getting back up and starting from zero. i'm not. What i did realize was that we have to pull ourselves back, and we're alone on that one. theres no amount of help to lift us back up the way we do. it's incredible how strong we are sometimes....

so i guess if i have to say i discovered something about myself as a person this week would be that i'm stronger than i think. ;)

Philosophical Thought of the Day: Is discovering yourself the same as changing yourself?

Word of the Day: Cake.

boring update

Unlike last week, where if i found a seat to sit down on, i thought it was heaven...this week, i've been sitting...a lot. nothing interesting has been happening, nothing at all.
I've just been shopping here and there...and one day, my taxi crashed. I thought i was ok, except some dizziness but i thought that was coz of the shock...and the past 2 days my neck and back and killing me. i feel like i was working out for like HOURS. good to know i have muscles back there too.

other than my exciting stories, ive just been lying around on my (new) couch watching tv shows, and doing nothing interesting. i've been cooking too. Today i made Tika Massala. it was actually pretty damn good. although, i have to rethink the garlic next time..hahaha. I also made a cake yesterday, big fat FAIL. it tastes like paper. I had all these ingredients, my grandpa got me eggs from this farm. about 20 of them. seriously, what can a girl do with 20 eggs? Bless his heart tho :) so i made cake.

Wednesday i have to go in for an exam....yuck. and thursday for my interview. must look very hot for principal :D:D yeah yeah.

Last night while i was sleeping first off, i got really hot, i can't stand this temperature. One day its 15 degrees celcius the next its 25, what the fuck. Last night was the 25. i was with a thick blanket. About an hour later i get woken up from a thunderstorm, the rain was falling SO hard on my tent outside it was insane. Did i go outside to lift the tent up? HAHAHA...dont think so, instead, i left my window open so i could hear the rain. lovely. once i was back asleep i got woken up by an earthquake. i was like SERIOUSLY LET A GIRL SLEEP ALREADY!! Usually, im scared shitless of earthquakes, but i guess this time i felt used to them...i opened my eyes, realized i was shaking and then closed my eyes and went back to sleep. thought on my mind? what da......?

Philosophical Thought of the Day: We've fucked up our world so much that a simple rain causes chaos to a city, that the weather is so crazy, people are doubting we'll have another proper winter for the rest of our lives...It really goes back to what i said in another blog: we are all greedy and only care about ourselves....so if the world is fucked up, don't blame anyone else but yourself.

Word of the Day: Misunderstand.

Life

Life. One day you're in it, and the next you're out. I think death is one of the hardest things for me to accept.
I went to a funeral today. A beautiful person. Everytime i'd see her I would hear her stories about when she was young, religion, and just watch her speak so pationately about life. She was an incredible woman. She made me see so many aspects of my religion, made me realize that God will always be there for me, that every day is filled with a miracle. She gave me strength, even though she never had a clue, in life, making my obstacles seem tiny. May she rest in peace.

I sat at the funeral watching her family cry, and at the same time they were happy. She lived her life, she had 4 children, she had grandchildren, and great-grand children. She kept saying how she lived her life to the fullest, and she knew when her time had come. So her family was relieved that she was finally free of pain and suffering. It's sad to see people go, but sometimes, we have to accept that they are better off this way.

I know her family and they are honestly a great family. they all have huge hearts, a big hug for everyone. I love how even though im not really related to them, they smiled when they saw me. They kept saying how happy they were to see me.

On another not, at the dinner I sat next to some of their family members and this lady was sitting next to me, i swear she had no idea about manners. The first thing she said to me, and i am not kidding was this "you are a gorgeous girl, but you need to lose weight. youre never going to get a guy if you're like this" i was like wtf. she went on and on and on. When i told her i was happy with myself and didn't need to lose weight to feel better she told me that im lying, and that u can never be happy with yourself as a fat person. UGHM??? REAAAAAAALLLLLLY!?!Then she proceeded to eat like a pig, like she hadnt eaten in days and spoke with her mouth full. UGH. she brought up my weight so many times eventually i wanted to slap her, but just kept my mouth shut.
I also heard good things though, someone told me that the last time they saw me, they were sad because i looked terrible, then he said "it makes me SOOO HAPPY TO SEE YOU LOOKING SO GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" if it came out of anyone elses mouth i wouldve been offended, but he was so honest about it, and he really meant what he said that it was ok. Oh life.

Philosophical Thought of the Day: Sometimes people should only give advice when it is asked of them.
PTOTD 2: we all hang by a thread. Every day is a new miracle. Let's embrace it.

Word of the day: Blurt.